The historian Jill Kerr Conway spoke at my old college (way back when) and introduced the term "value neutral."
For example: a hammer. It's predominately used as a tool, but you could also bean someone on the head with one. A hammer has many purposes so it's "value neutral."
After Conway's talk, I had a heated discussion with a friend on whether a gun was "value neutral." He said yes; I said no. Sure you could hammer a nail with a gun, but a gun's sole purpose is to kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.
I am now wondering, after weeks of searching for a job and reading the news at the same time, whether computers are "value neutral."
Why do I ask this question?
Bc all I'm reading so far is garbage, mayhem, killing, and absurdity. Why is it that a company wants you to know at least 15 different software programs and then offers to pay you $10 and hour. And why is Condi playing piano in Malaysia when she should be STOPPING PEOPLE FROM KILLING EACH OTHER.
I love my computer; I really do. I also want to throw it out the window. But it isn't my computer's fault the worlds going to hell and their ain't a lot of jobs out there.
I'm going for a bike ride.
Ice cream! You scream! We all scream for ice scream!
In honor of Kenny Boy's demise, I'm watching Enron - The Smartest Guys In The Room.
May maggots enjoy a bottle of Prosecco while feasting on his rotting corpse.
I should be posting more. One person's suggestion was that I write about what I'm reading.
Well...I could. But what I'm reading the most are job posting sites and the news. I could be structuring my time a little better, that's for sure.
Job posting sites aren't very interesting to talk about and the news is depressing.
What made it worse was that I too, saw the Gore(y) movie and I walked out of the air-conditioned nightmare and onto Court St. in such a depression with a thought of: we're all fucked.
Then, to make matters worse, I went home and started reading websites criticizing the movie (and Gore for that matter). He's not a hero of mine, that's for sure, but some of these sites were blatantly attacking him. Sure he got a little bigger around the waist and trotted out the story of his son and sister again. But that wasn't the point of the movie. And since I’m a reader of lefty web sites and blogs, no one on “that side” seems to attack as viciously as “that other side” does.
Anyway… to complete a science requirement at my college way back when, I took a class on global warming. This is back in 1990. Thanks to Mark Lamoureux, he helped me understand the periodic table and all those mumbo-jumbo science words like carbon. I managed to NOT take a science class all throughout high school so I knew zip. I know water is an element of the periodic table and I know that beer isn't.
I went to five high schools. I started two school newspapers and learned how to use a mimeograph machine. If you throw a PowerPoint presentation about carbon dioxide rising at me I will probably understand. My paper on global warming had to do with population growth. I understand that also.
I go for walks in the afternoon when I get a little stir crazy in front of the computer. I didn’t yesterday bc there was a man bellowing on a bullhorn for a good 5 hours. I couldn’t hear what and when I finally ventured out at 7pm; he was still going at it. I found out that if perhaps I accepted jesus christ into my heart I’d be a little perkier.
Books received have been Mike Magee’s Mainstream (who wrote me a nice note on the first page “for xtina, a preemptive apartment-warming present”) which I read off and on in the evening (i.e. when I turn the A/C on – and no comment here yet on what I think, other than I had a long discussion about this book and other things by mi amigo James Cook from Gloucester MA, - it was one of those “touch base” conversations – and I also talked to Amanda Cook – who is due this August, but I don’t mean to define her just by her pregnancy – cognitive of that I am)
And Gary Sullivan’s and Nada Gordon’s Elsewhere 2, which given it’s a comic, was a quicker read and just fantastic. The text and graphics. His encapturement of street signs and visual culture on display is just, actually moving. I even showed it to my mother, (bc I sometimes tell her the poetic details of what’s going on around me), whose reaction was “Wow. He’s really talented. He should get a job doing this.”
Yes mom, most of us are talented. We should be churning out poems, artwork, comics and books and getting paid more than enough to live off of. I guess I’ll call up my senator, but no wait, we all know who she is…
A few weeks ago I also received small chapbooks by Anne Boyer 11. The deep (self-published) and Hazel McClure’s Nothing Moving, done by my next-door neighbor, Gina Myers. They’re the simplest things to read, but I haven’t gotten to them yet. I don’t know why other than I’d feel guilty for reading during the day when I SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A JOB so…
…but the news and political blogs, I refresh every few minutes. AlterNet gets their feed from the Huffington Post, and something new goes up every few minutes. CrooksandLiars is good bc they have video and sound bites, the NYT for the general news and the Guardian UK bc they’re 5 hours ahead of us. I have to stay away from CommonDreams (too Chicken Little The Sky is Falling! stridency), Democracy Now (great reportage but you know, depressing) and the Iraq Coalition Casualty Count (2544 us solders dead, 18,877 wounded and an estimated 38,960 iraq citizens killed and lately I’m much less sympathetic towards dead us soldiers when their comrades rape and kill and torture – nuff said there).
So, I may have to take a hiatus on the news, just and if only for my mental well-being, which is quirky enough to begin with.
So, poetry blogs. I more or less stopped reading them bc as I wrote a way while ago, I would briefly check them out at work, in lull periods, but the lulls and lulls were getting less infrequent (this particular instance my work site was sponsoring a conference so…kinda busy doing that), I was eating at my desk with my head in an excel spreadsheet, so I didn’t have time and thus, fell out of the habit. And initially and still maintain, that if one has some easy going job, one can briefly check out blogs, the news, and take some stupid quiz that is devoid of actual content and thought-process, but if one has a job where they are constantly busy the second they step into the building, one doesn’t have time. If you teach 3 classes back to back, you are not reading blogs in that time frame, if you are commuting an hour each way to work every day you're not reading blogs in that time frame and if you're working retail? Forget it. I sit way too much in front of the computer as it is.
That all said, I finally went on Joel Sloman’s blog - http://idasfoodieleas.blogspot.com/ - bc I had the time, and I thought he’d be the last poet in the Boston area to start one. I ate lunch with him at the end of June (at the Stata center) and he asked if I’d gone to his blog yet and I hadn’t. Bc I couldn’t So I did. This evening. He said he was reading Stendhal (he told me this in person) so now, weeks later, I am sitting in comfy digs in Red Hook and I look up and lo! Stendhal’s The Red and The Black is up there on the shelf. I’m glad Joel is blogging; he has an amazing music and book and broadside and chapbook collection. What I mean to say is that he should keep it up.
Other blogs: I check out Jack Kimball’s the most, I checked out Gina Myers’s blog tonight partially bc of the irony that she lives next door to me and Tim Peterson’s because he said, like a lot of other people do: well, it was on my blog.
Well, I’m inclined to be a little sarcastic here but I’ll hold off, mostly bc I have to close the windows bc it’s pouring outside. If I were a little kid, I’d be disappointed this spring and summer, bc there’s been a helluva lot of rain that just seems a bit off (Is there global warming in your bathroom? Did we just go into hurricane season without having a summer?). And for being as web savvy as I think I am, I don’t know a lot about RSS feeds but then on the other hand, there isn’t a lot to know. And since most blogs are set up with an RSS feed, don’t worry, I’ll think of the easiest way to look at you and yours…
However, employment comes first.
And you're astute in noticing the only blog I provided a link for was Joel. But I've done enough name dropping for one evening. Time to go back to work.
I'm avoiding the fireworks. I don't even want to set foot outside.
Our lovely u.s. transportation system
Over the past month, I have transported myself
between Manhattan, Brooklyn, Hartford, East Hartford,
Cambridge, Somerville, and Boston.
I have been in a car, a truck, a bus, a train, a taxi and a bike.
I have been on the subway systems in NYC and the Boston metro area.
I have taken public transportation buses in both areas.
I’ve taken the train between NYC and Boston and
now I’ve biked in both those areas. This includes:
Yellow cab
Amtrak
MTA
MBTA
Greyhound
Fung Wah
Motobecane
The only thing I haven’t taken is the ferry but that’s sure to come sometime soon, as soon as I figure out if the ferry system takes pedestrians and or bikes. But on the other hand, I have no reason to go to lower Manhattan.
Our lovely u.s. transportation system, if you haven’t noticed, is tiered. Those that can take limos to work probably do so. Those who have the advantage of the company helicopter or opt for the private heliports do so. Those that choose the horse drawn carriage on 59th st do so bc most likely they are tourists or want a romantic ride with their loved one. Not that romance is dead (but it probably is) but my first thought is: how quaint. My second thought is: those poor horses deserve better.
The rest of us rely on cars, friends with cars, the bus system, a bike and the train. I have ridden them long enough to know a certain etiquette and conduct and when rules can sometimes be bent.
1 – when the bus driver in Hartford says: one seat per person, put your bag in the overhead compartment, I’m going to be picking up a lot of people in New Haven. Buy an extra seat; that’s what a lot of people do in this I’m the boss kind of way and then in New Haven the seat next to you is empty from New Haven to NYC what he really means is: I’m going to derive what little power I have by bullying you bc I’m the guy driving the bus and I can drop you off on the side of the road. Nevermind that almost every other bus ride you’ve been on in your life, when the seat next to you is vacant and you feel tired and crash out, you scored by having two seats, and thus, a little leg room.
And oh yes, remind yourself to tell yourself that a: the driver has a tough job and b: so what, boo hoo. If you weren’t afraid to be dropped off in no-name town CT you would have called him an asshole to his face. Substitute your favorite insult here.
Derive pleasure in this particular thought; do not derive pleasure in the thought that the bus prices have gone up bc of this war (gas, er, oil that is). Note however that when the assistant at the ticket counter gives you the ticket sheathed in a National Guard sign up pamphlet, your first of many thoughts are that this particular bus line preys upon the poor and working class who have to ride this bus.
2 – When you tap your seat mate on his shoulder on the XYZ bus from Boston to NYC to cut his cell phone conversation short and he asks why, you say: Because it is annoying to me and most people in our immediate area. However you cannot tell this bus driver this, a bus driver who seems to be bragging on his own cell phone on how many highway systems he’s driven on between Bangor Maine and Washington DC. Think to yourself: Geez, it’s funny how little to nothing impresses me anymore; isn’t that weird.
Am I impressed? No. I am not in the least impressed by the transit corridor between Boston and Washington DC.
I want to be impressed. Impress me. Plant another tree; I might notice.
3 – when the Fung Wah driver is driving 80 mph on the Mass Pike in a severe thunderstorm on a grated portion of the road with his windshield wipers on low, it is perfectly natural to start a: take drugs or b: start believing in god or luck.
The answer is a.
4 – when you see someone riding their bike over the Connecticut River bt East Hartford and Hartford on a major highway do you think a: well, he’s got to get to where he’s going somehow or b: that guy must be a fucking idiot.
The major highway stated above is Interstate 84, and to get from one city (E. Htfd to Htfd) to the other…the state of CT spent millions if not billions of dollars (never mind federal dollars) to rebuild a perfectly good bridge with enough space to ride a bike and have pedestrians cross bt the two cities. These two cities are trying to revitalize the waterfront on both sides of the CT River.
The answer is b.
That person, sorry to say, was a fucking idiot. Hopefully he didn’t get killed.
5 – When you stop at a rest stop in between Boston and NYC do you a: stay near the exhaust fumes of the bus and smoke a cigarette and drink some water or b: go inside the fast food restaurant, buy french-fries and microwave hamburger patties and bring it back on the bus and thus, stink up the whole bus.
Tough call. I opt for a. One thing you do not do is use the restroom in the back of the bus unless you are violently ill. In this instance, you should not be riding the bus at all.
6 – When getting on the Amtrak train bt Boston and NYC or v.v., do you a: sit on the side where you can see Long Island Sound, the wetlands and the rich beach houses or b: sit and stare out at some stretch of land you’ve never set foot on and never want to.
Answer: a. Not only that, but if the train is not crowded and you feel like taking a nap, you might be “in luck” to have two seats, and if you do sprawl out, the Amtrak attendants will not give you shit for it. Not only that but you can drink in the club car on the train.
7 – When riding the subway transit system do you a: use your ipod and also cell phone during above ground areas or b: not.
Answer: Tough call.
I opt for a: not listening to your inane cell phone conversation and b: not listening to whatever musical choice is coming out of your ears. I resort to c: thinking about the to-do list I have in my head, stressing out about whatever I stress about, and staring out the window, half observant, half bored at the same time. Yes, I look like I just don't care. I find this much safer than grabbing your cell phone and throwing it out the window or in the trash.
8 – On the Acela Express there is a Quiet Car. I have not sat in it. Unless one is sitting in a sound proofed recording studio or off in the woods in Vermont, one does not know what quiet is. And even in the latter, one hears cows mooing and crickets chirping and whatever natural sounds are equated with rural life. Yes, Business Class is more expensive, but I don’t find the fact of being poor romantic anymore if I ever did. If you have the money to ride it – splurge. And when you do take this route, you will still find mill towns who are much more economically depressed than you will ever be.
Note: guilt and shame. And then note them as two human emotions that are sometimes useful but for the most part should be abolished. Think then that perhaps Bloomberg and Trump should feel such said emotions but probably don’t. Think then on why your splurge on the Express train is somewhat shame and guilt-ridden, when others think nothing of it. Think this. And come up with some answer to justify it.
9 – Riding your bike over the Brooklyn bridge is very fun. Why is it fun, even in the hot sun and humidity and smog? Come up with historical and poetic reasons.
10 – if a passenger is in a motorized vehicle or other mode of transit, it is ok to not trust the driver. It is especially ok not to trust the drivers of 50 other drivers on the road. It is ok to trust the driver. It is not ok to flinch. It is ok to admit one has not driven a car in eight years. It is admirable to admit one has not gotten into an accident in the past 25 years. It is ok to admit that you flinch. It is ok to admit you don’t know the driving directions to your apt. It is not ok to not know where your apt is. It is ok to admit that most people driving are fucking morons. You think: most people are too blasé to note down a cab or license plate number. It is ok to think that most people complain and do nothing about it. Or, it is not ok. It is ok to think that you are dying. Is it ok to put your life in someone else’s hand?
11 – Do you believe in assertiveness training? Do you believe in anger management therapy? Have you ever tried meditation? Have you ever had a plane wake you up at night? When you state: I’m tired from traveling does someone respond: oh you’re just being a wuss, doesn’t that just bristle?
I go to the word: divorce. I go to the word: tone. I go to the phrase: I’ve had it with public transportation. Or rather, I’ve had it with private transportation: no more greyhound or fung wah. I don’t care that I can’t afford the Amtrak train; I will take it anyway. I love the train. I’ve taken Amtrak at least four times across the u.s., once across Canada and all through Europe…elitist?
Yes.
But I’m not beef. And my name is not Upton Sinclair. But albeit that’s Chicago, but if there is a more or rather less demeaning way to transport red meat and people across state lines, I’ll think of better ways, but the bus doesn’t work anymore.
The bus is horrible. I'm not choosing style; I'm choosing comfort. My threshold for pain has diminished. Considerably. And not only that, I'm sick of being poor. But the poor poor, those that have no resources what so ever, don't even have the advantages that I do. Ask these fellow travelers why they seem angry. I can almost guarantee that a 2 hour bus ride will damage the psyche.